Lost battles, trickling time, faded…Ideas I once had
The painful side of being creative and innovative - seeing someone else implement your ideas
And all you are left with is a husk of what could have been, such pain. Rage has no place here, just a placating emptiness. You blame people, other people, for not believing in you. For not giving you the chance, for putting you down.
Some, you say are idiots.
But can’t escape that I am responsible for self actualization.
Today I got hit with such a blow. Something I have had in my head for over a year now, saw it somewhere, being implemented.
Truth be told, it sucks.
Not the best of feelings.
So how do I get out of this rut?
A friend once asked me what my goals are. I answered, “to go to the grave, having fulfilled all that I came here to do, with no dream left unfulfilled”
If hell is a manifested reality of guilt and regret, then counting the number of Ideas I have had that I have seen others implement, my sins are piling up and it will be an eventful affair.
But to die slow, this trickling of time and fading strength.
Feeling as though the fight is already over and dead inside, I am left.
But there is a burning ember, a light, a fire, faded, not put out. That is why I write this, or so I think.
A part of me is trying to claw out, put a mark on this world and die empty.
A passion of mine, from a young age, is to make things. As simple as that and as vague.
Genesis 1:27 "So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.”
I believe this means that in each one of us is the power to create, ex nihilo, out of nothingness.
So here I am, not sad, not bitter, feeling overwhelmed, by emotion perhaps and at the same time almost numb, it might be the coffee…but then again maybe I am counting my chances as I weight whether to get up, and FIGHT!!!
